Saturday, 10 December 2016

The Official Guide To The Reclaiming Of Dromatin pt. 1

Dear diary
We landed on Dromatin this morning after four days of space travel. This is the first time that I've been able to write in here as I didn't want Gauri to see that I have a diary. She'd probably read it all, crack jokes about my spelling (speeling?) being as bad as my shooting and then get angry and rip out the picture I drew of her when she saw it. I think she likes me but I don't want to annoy her; I saw what she did to that Morat when she thought I was unconti-knocked out! For some reason the ship was low on cabins so we had to share a double cabin for the trip. I enjoyed the trip more than she did, she seemed to have a sore head for the first three nights but she was much better company on the last night after we were given a bottle of that Cameronian Firedance. I always thought that was for newly-weds but the crew must've had some lying around and given us it. Gauri's pretty (very pretty) famous so they were pulling out all the stops for their celebrity I guess. It was a good night after that :)
So the next day when we landed stuff got even more crazy. Col. Naysir of the Neoterra Bolts greeted us off our shuttle and called me Lieutenant Angus.
Lieutenant.
What the f**k?
He wants me to command the forward elements of his forces as we take back Dromatin from the Combined Army and Nomads (well, apparently we aren't strictly fighting them but...). I was so shocked I said the wrong thing to his face. What I mean to say was: what the actual f**k sir? I've no leadership skills and Gauri is the one who should be in charge. What I said was: Me? I'm honoured sir. Then he threw me into a car and drove me to what I thought was a junkyard. It turned out to be his command headquarters. Safe as houses he told me before he started to brief me about penetrating thrusts into the arse of the enemy (he made a joke about that and Gauri which made me think he's more of a tosser than I realised) and how with me in charge we'd f**k them good and proper. He adds 'mate' to the end of all his sentences too and claps me on the shoulder a bit too much for my liking. Then he disappeared off to 'source us some scran' and that's when all hell broke loose. I realised my pistol was still in my hold-all (sure that's a dissypli-fine and a warning) and was trying to find a replacement when this alien shuttle appears overhead and these Fraacta drop out. I'd seen that sort of ship on Paradiso when they assassinated Major Ramirez with those drop-troops. They must've been trying to kill Naysir in the same way. 4 of them avoided the AA guns (2 got totally f**ked) and started shooting everything and anything. The only thing I had to hand was a pen I'd borrowed off Naysir's aide and a chair leg after the one I was sitting on got blasted from under me. Luckily I've been hitting the gym with Gauri and was able to close the distance to the first one as it was reloading. I smashed it's head with the chair leg (feel sick just thinking of it) and as the other one turned towards me I stabbed him in the eye with the pen (should have worn a helmet). The last two had me though and would have killed me for sure if Gauri hadn't turned up at that moment and shot them both. She used my pistol though and so now Naysir wants to give me a medal for saving his junk-headquarters, I tried to tell him that it wasn't me, that Gauri was the real hero, but he didn't listen. I genuun-really think that he hasn't heard of Gauri Bipandra. I can tell she's pissed though so I'm taking her out for dinner tonight in the safe side of town. I secretly packed one of her dresses in case we had a chance to go out so I'll put on my Parade suit (I'm sure she likes it) and take her dress over, let her get changed and take her somewhere nice. Oh, and I better tell her that I've had her transferred out of the barracks and into the officers quarters. We're sharing a room again but it was the best I could do. I do hope her sore heads don't affect her like they did on the trip here.



Gauri and I try out some new TO camo they are trialling on this front. You can see Col. Naysir behind Gauri in the blue suit.


Dear diary
We landed on Dromatin this morning after four surprisingly short days of space travel. This is the first time that I've been able to write in here as I didn't want Angus to see that I have a diary. He'd probably read it all, try to crack bad jokes about my poetry and draw a penis in the margins just to wind me up. I know he likes me but he just can't help himself, he's just so immature at times. For example some jack-ass had put us down as couple(!) on the flight manifest so we had a double cabin booked for us. I was fuming when I found out and ended up telling him that it was due to them being low on cabins as last time that happened her referred to me as Mrs Angus when speaking to that vegetable-headed Tohaa delegate. Then he had the cheek to ask when we would-
Anyway, just when I thought the situation couldn't get any worse (and trust me, 4 nights with an excitable Angus is bad, I will need to convince him that Cameronian Firedance is a hallucinogenic) we landed on Dromatin to be greeted by Col. Naysir of the Neoterra Bolts (whom I was mistakenly under the belief to be a tactical genius and keen military mind) who greeted us as Lieutenant Angus and his....?
Lieutenant.
For f**k's sake.
Never mind the personal insult that the Colonel thought I was a maid-servant or groupie, let's just focus on Fusilier Terrance Angus being promoted to Lieutenant and thus one of the big players in the reclaiming of Dromatin. Then he was whisked away in an official car and I was left with all our luggage. Including Angus's side-arm. Honestly.
When, predictably a small strike team of those Fraacta ('renegade' Tohaa apparently) dropped from a shielded transport that had evaded our low-orbit scanners, he was unarmed and would likely have been shredded if I hadn't been heading over with his migraine tablets and weaponry. And what the hell he thought he'd do with a pen and chair leg is beyond me. How none of the blood on him was his defies belief. I stupidly used that over-sized pistol he has to kill them so everyone thought he'd killed all 4 as all the other people there were killed and now Naysir is making noises about giving him a medal for saving his Command Centre. More like junkyard office if you ask me. Un-f**king-real but this appears to be my lot, allowing others take credit for my hard work. I sometimes wonder why I love Angus considering how much grief he causes me... I can't believe they've put him in the officer's quarters and left me in the regular barracks. He better get this groupie out of this dive or there will be hell to pay.
Oh my god, Angus is heading down the corridor in his Parade suit. Is that my tiny white dress he's carrying? But it barely fits! What is he doing...?

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